I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
