I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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