He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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