I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my being single is dangerous.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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