Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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