i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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