Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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