Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
