It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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