OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
