Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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