She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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