I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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