well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
