I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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