my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
