You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
