I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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