Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
