I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
