i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize