my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
