I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
