Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
