I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
