brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
