He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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