After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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