I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
