put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
