After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
