brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
