she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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