Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I lost the right to judge tonight
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
