Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I could make wine with my vomit
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
