SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
