i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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