my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
