You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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