You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
