Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
