was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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