I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
