i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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