Can i not drive my cunt home
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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