As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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