i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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