Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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