Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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