It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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