theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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