So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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