If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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