This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
