I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
