apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
