yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
