You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize