i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm at about main and main street
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
