I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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