see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
