Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
