honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sarcasm needs its own font
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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