I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
