My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
