Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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