I am in a vortex of obligation.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
