Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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