i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
