Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
