i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
